You’re so much more than your flaps.
Fanny. Foof. Lady Garden. Noonie. Vagine. Vajayjay.
You guessed it, we are talking about Vaginas, and in particular, why it is so important to have this conversation over and over and over. We associate these kinds of chats with cringe-ridden ‘sex ed’ classes at school which focus more on the anatomy rather than the real-life hang-ups that we face as women.
We refer to ‘Vagina positivity’ as feeling confident and empowered by the incredible entity that is a vagina. Alas, from our findings and experiences chatting with our wonderful community, ‘Vagina shame’ is real and it needs to be addressed from the roots. How does this shame manifest, you ask?
“I want mine to look like a credit card slot.”
“My flaps are so uneven!”
“My labia sticks out..I hate it!”
“I didn’t even get to shave, how embarrassing. I hope they still like me.”
How has society failed us so badly that only now are we starting to rewrite the narratives we were told during puberty? Well, it starts with proper and relevant sex education. This needs to be run by sex-ed qualified professionals who don’t solely focus on the anatomy of the vagina or use scare-tactics to make sure we never want to have sex. Although learning about the risks is important, feeling empowered by our womanhood can help us make the right choices to love and respect it.
‘Vagina positivity’ starts from learning the simplest lesson; there is no ‘perfect’ or ‘normal’ looking vagina. We all know the negative effects of pornography, particularly on males expectations’ of women and their bodies. That’s why teaching young men porn literacy and thorough sex ed is equally as important as it is for women. On the flip side, what about the effects of pornography on women? The female performers usually fulfil a certain body-type; lean, toned, big breasts and the hairless ‘credit card slot’ vagina. Ah...I think we know where this shame could be stemming from. If society tells us that this is what a ‘desirable’ vagina looks like and we aren’t properly addressing this topic at school, then how the hell can we be expected to practice ‘Vagina positivity’?
Well...we can do what we always do; talk, talk & talk some more! Talk to your friends, to your sisters and nieces, to a trusted loved one, to your partner. Listen to podcasts and share them. Read books and pass them on. If the system won’t educate us properly, then we need to take the matter into our own hands.
Here are some amazing tools we recommend to educate yourself, your loved one or just to practice some ‘vagina positive’ thinking:
Finally, to those women out there who still have hang ups about their foof and fear judgement despite these tools...we hear you, we support you. Although we can’t make these feelings disappear overnight, here’s one piece of advice we wished we learnt sooner… Your vagina is special, because it’s yours. If they like you, they will stick around regardless of what your flaps look like. Just remember, you’re one in a million (and so is your hoo-hah).
Ilo Wellness x
Written by Margaux Dalgleish
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