Herpes Simplex Virus (HSV) comes in two types: HSV-1 and HSV-2. While HSV-1 is most commonly associated with oral cold sores, and HSV-2 with genital herpes, both types can be found in either location. This means HSV-1 can be transmitted to the genitals through oral sex, and HSV-2 can sometimes appear as cold sores on the mouth. Herpes is incredibly common, and despite the stigma, it’s a manageable condition that many people live with every day.

We interviewed one of our amazing community members about her journey with HSV-2, also known as Herpes. We are so grateful to her for sharing her story. We hope this can help further normalise Herpes, and educate our community about HSV-2. 

My story

I was first diagnosed with HSV-2 last year, in March 2021. With HSV, you can’t guarantee when the virus is transmitted, as exposure could have occurred years ago. It can lie dormant in your nervous system for years before having a outbreak; in this way it's similar to chicken pox!

However, I think it was transmitted from my boyfriend at the time.

I came home from work late one night, after being called in for an emergency. My partner woke up when I jumped into bed, and things got frisky—with him giving me oral. The next morning, as we were having breakfast, I noticed a small, pimple-like spot on his mouth. It raised concern in my mind, but I was scared to ask if it was a cold sore. As the day went on, I couldn’t stop thinking about it—it was eating me alive and distracting me from looking after my patients. Being health-conscious, I knew that performing oral sex with a cold sore was a big no-no.

Eventually, I gained the courage to ask him if he had a cold sore. His response was that he had only ever had one in his life and thought this was just a pimple. I tried to push it out of my mind since it looked like a regular pimple on his lip.

Three nights later, I woke up feeling uncomfortable "down there". When I touched the area, I felt two lumps on my outer labia that stung—I immediately thought, "Oh no..." My heart sank. I got up, went to the bathroom, and had a look. It could have easily been razor rash or a couple of pimples, but in my heart, I knew it was herpes.

I was beside myself. I booked an appointment at the sexual health clinic, had swabs taken, and the results came back positive for HSV-2—commonly known as genital herpes. As a health professional, I was confused because I had never heard that genital herpes could present on the mouth. But the sexual health nurse informed me that, while uncommon, you can have cold sores on your mouth caused by HSV-2 if you’ve performed oral sex on someone with genital HSV-2. Typically, oral cold sores are caused by HSV-1, but it can work vice versa. Both strains can end up on any mucous membrane.

At first, I was absolutely devastated—I thought my life was over. I felt suicidal, questioning my future. Would I ever be a mother? Would I ever find a partner who would accept me? But after a lot of research and open conversations with friends, I decided I wasn’t going to let stigma dictate my life. The more I talked about it, the more I realised that many of my friends also had a form of HSV but were hiding in shame, afraid to tell anyone.

My boyfriend and I eventually broke up (for unrelated reasons), but he had been completely accepting of my diagnosis, and it never affected our sex life. When I started dating again, I had to navigate how to disclose my status to potential partners. At first, it took a lot of courage, but the more I did it, the easier it became. I honestly haven’t had a single negative encounter with a man about my HSV. In fact, I think people really respect transparency and honesty.

I won’t lie—it actually had men falling at my feet. I like to think it’s because they valued and respected my openness. This experience also led me to become more in touch with my body, more open with my sexuality, and more comfortable with sexual partners. I now have the best sex of my life.

While disclosing for the first time can still be daunting, I’ve never had a bad reaction. I don’t get frequent outbreaks, but I’m aware that HSV can still be transmitted even without symptoms. Despite that, I have a healthy, fulfilling sex life with both myself and my current partner. These days, I almost forget that HSV is even part of my body.

Talking about it openly has helped me raise awareness and promote sexual health. After all, we all have sex, and sex—like anything else—comes with consequences. STIs are simply a normal part of that reality. It’s important to have these conversations because around 70% of the population has some form of HSV, whether they know it or not.

I no longer look back at my diagnosis with sadness or ask, "Why me?" Instead, I see it as something that has helped me cultivate a healthier, more confident relationship with my body and sexuality. These are important conversations to have with any sexual partner, and we should be having them more often.

How do you bring it up with new sexual partners that you have HSV?

At first, I wrote out a little template in my notes app to help me with disclosing. For the first few times, I would just send a text after one or two dates—it helped me process the conversation and made it easier to say.

Personally, I prefer to disclose early on because I see it as a way to filter out people who aren’t right for me. If someone is going to stigmatise me for having an STI, then they’re not the kind of person I want in my life anyway. I want to be understood and respected in all of my relationships.

An example would be-

"Hey, there’s something I want to discuss with you before we continue dating. I have HSV-2, also known as Herpes. I want to be open and transparent with you and tell you sooner rather than later. It’s actually more common than we realise. This isn’t something that greatly affects me but it’s something that you should be aware of. I don’t get many outbreaks and there are a lot of ways to practice safe sex and avoid transmission. Your health is just as important as mine. So I value your decision if this is a deterrent for you. If you have any questions, I’m an open book. Let me know how you feel about this."

In my experience, most people either had a friend with HSV, knew someone close to them who had it, or had it themselves. I had so many guys respond by saying, “Actually, I have it too.” This often opened the door for a conversation, and I used it as an opportunity to educate them. Most people had no issue with it at all and responded positively, which was really refreshing.

Do you have any advice for our community who have been recently diagnosed, places you have found supportive?

My advice would be not to beat yourself up about it—it’s not the end of the world. I promise you’ll go on to have beautiful, loving, and accepting relationships. It can be hard to open up about it because of the guilt and shame you might feel, but talking to a friend can do wonders. Visiting a sexual health clinic is also a great step—the nurses there are amazing and helped me see that my diagnosis wasn’t a death sentence. They deal with this every day and offer support without judgment.

There’s also a Facebook group called Herpes Support Group, where people share their experiences, ask questions, and offer advice, which really helped me through my initial diagnosis. Plus, a TikTok creator named Suzbub is a huge herpes advocate—she only posts HSV-related content and is a great source of information and support.