Britney said it first! Self-restraint matters, especially when it comes to toxic sexual partners. At Ilo Wellness, we are ambassadors for sexual health in all aspects. We support and encourage all women to explore their sexuality with a 360° approach. However, a part of that is shining light on the ‘not so sexy’ parts - the things that can slowly damage our sexual wellness by chipping away at our dignity and self-worth. We have all been there, or if you haven’t, then you will know someone who has taken a sip from the devil’s cup. 

We are not here to be judgemental. This is being written because WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE. This comes from a place of love, care, and wanting to help out our gorgeous community. Even if one person reads this and can find it useful for their situation or to help someone else, then our work has been worthwhile. 

Here are some classic cases of toxic sex habits. 

The ex partner. 

It’s familiar and it’s comfortable. Why risk it with a new sexual partner when you know what the sex with your ex will be like? It’s important to remember that you’re not together for a reason, as hard as that may be to digest. Reigniting this flame will only make it more confusing and difficult to be apart from each other in the long run. Break-ups are shitty - there’s no other way to put it. This is where your friends and family play a huge role in keeping you busy and filling your love tank in a different way. 

The unavailable one. 

You care about them, but for whatever reason they can’t / won’t commit to you. This is so damaging to your self-worth. Being available to someone who only sees you as a physical outlet will take a toll on your mental and emotional state, even if you’re cool with just being ‘casual’. It’s all well and good to find someone you have great sex with, but if they string you along in order to satisfy their own needs, where the heck do you stand? It’s confusing and unfulfilling. They may even tell you that you’re the best they’ve ever had, just to get exactly what they want from you. Run. Now. 

Your superior at work. 

Two words: Power play. Extremely sexy? You bet. Extremely risky? OH YEAH! Sneaking around in the workplace may seem hot at that moment, but unless you see yourself growing old with this person, work romances will more often than not end in tears and usually lead to one of the parties having to vacate their job (sadly, and statistically, this happens the most with womxn). Investing in your career is investing in yourself. Life is about risk, so trust your gut and be smart about your decisions. 

The serial casanova. 

The feeling of being with someone who could have anyone is rewarding - the sick workings of our psyche, eh! We feel special and chosen by that person, which is why being with them feels like you’ve won a medal. This can also be the case if they are well-known (influencers, TV

personalities, sports stars etc.). What a great story to tell your mates...and what a great way to get your heart broken! Tip from top: use protection. Don’t even think twice, especially in this instance. Keep your wits about you - not saying that all casanovas are evil, but remember their charm has worked to get them where they are.

Ilo Wellness x

Written by Margaux Dalgleish