So you’ve wrapped your head around the idea that masturbation isn’t cheating. But what about when time alone with a toy starts bringing up… feelings?
Jealousy. Awkwardness. Curiosity. Maybe even a little insecurity.
You’re not alone, and you’re not broken. These are normal, valid emotions, especially when sex toys enter a shared relationship space.
This article isn’t about whether sex toys are “okay” in relationships. It’s about what happens when pleasure tools stir up comparison, discomfort, or doubt and how to work through those feelings with care, rather than control.
It’s not unusual for a partner to feel jealous of a vibrator, threatened by a toy, or quietly compare themselves to the intensity, shape, or sensation of something that buzzes, pulses, or suctions.
The fear often sounds like:
“Why would you want that if you have me?”
“Am I not enough?”
“What does that toy give you that I don’t?”
Here’s the truth: sex toys don’t replace people- they enhance pleasure. Whether used solo or during partnered play, they offer sensations that human touch simply can’t replicate. That doesn’t make them better, just different.
At Ilo, our range is designed to support all kinds of pleasure- not replace anyone’s role in intimacy.
The Duo Vibe, with its air technology, offers a type of clitoral stimulation that’s difficult to match manually or orally, and is perfect for solo discovery or layered with partnered touch.
The Egg Vibe is small, sleek, and subtle, ideal for gentle warm-up or for partners to use together.
The Pulse Vibe combines internal and external stimulation using air technology- powerful enough solo, yet beautifully adaptable for shared experiences.
Each tool brings something unique, but none of them compete with emotional connection, eye contact, or the softness of being known.
When jealousy or discomfort surfaces, communication is key, not performance, not shame.
Try these conversation starters:
“How do you feel when I use a toy during solo play?”
“Would you want to explore one together?”
“Is there anything that makes you feel insecure or unsure when we talk about toys?”
These aren’t easy questions, but they’re the kind that build trust, safety, and understanding.
If you or your partner feel unsure about how toys fit into your relationship, try these steps:
Jealousy is often a mask for something deeper- a fear of being unwanted, excluded, or replaceable. Instead of pretending it’s just about the toy, get curious about what’s underneath.
Introducing toys into partnered sex doesn’t need to be a “big deal.” Try the Egg Vibe as a warm-up or mutual exploration. Let one partner guide, while the other observes, touches, or supports.
Talk about sex toys when things feel good, not only when someone’s feeling triggered. Normalise those conversations so they don’t carry emotional heat.
Sex toys don’t threaten your relationship. But silence, assumptions, and shame can.
You’re allowed to enjoy toys. You’re allowed to feel unsure about them. And you’re absolutely allowed to talk about those feelings without fear of judgment.
Because emotional safety and sexual exploration don’t cancel each other out- they strengthen each other.
At Ilo, we believe pleasure should feel empowering, whether you’re exploring on your own or with someone you trust. Our range is designed to support curiosity, confidence, and connection- however you choose to play.
By Kiara Sasha
