Masturbation is a normal, healthy part of many people’s lives- including those in relationships.
But for some couples, it can bring up confusion, insecurity, or even conflict.
So let’s be clear from the start:
Masturbation is not cheating.
Like any other aspect of your sex life, solo pleasure deserves open, respectful conversations- not shame, guilt, or control.
Here’s why.
Every relationship is different. Some couples are completely open about masturbation, some talk about it occasionally, and others don’t really discuss it at all. Some might even choose to share their fantasies or enjoy mutual masturbation as part of their connection.
The important thing to remember is this: boundaries around solo sex should be communicated- not assumed or demanded. And they should never be rooted in control.
If a partner expects or insists that you don’t masturbate, that’s not a healthy boundary- that’s a red flag. Sexual autonomy (the right to your own body, pleasure, and privacy) is a basic right.
You are allowed to explore your body.
You are allowed to feel pleasure.
You are allowed to have a sexual relationship with yourself.
And that doesn’t take anything away from your partner or your relationship.
Masturbation isn't a betrayal of your partner. In many cases, it can actually enhance your sexual connection.
Exploring your body allows you to discover what kinds of touch, pressure, rhythm, and sensations feel good. It’s a form of self-knowledge. And when you understand your own pleasure better, you’re better equipped to communicate that to your partner and co-create more satisfying sexual experiences together.
Masturbation can also:
Help regulate desire- whether you’re feeling low or high libido
Offer a form of stress relief or emotional grounding
Keep you connected to your sexual self, especially during busy or disconnected periods
Just like exercise helps you maintain physical health, masturbation can be part of your sexual wellness.
If masturbation is causing conflict in your relationship, it’s worth asking:
Is the real issue the act of solo pleasure, or is it a deeper feeling of disconnection, rejection, or insecurity?
Sometimes, people view masturbation as “cheating” because they’re not feeling connected or desired. Others might worry that their partner is fantasising about someone else. These are valid feelings, but shutting down a partner’s autonomy isn’t the solution. Talking openly about what’s behind the discomfort is.
You’re allowed to say:
“I feel distant from you sexually, and that makes it hard for me when I know you’re masturbating.”
But what’s not okay is:
“You’re not allowed to touch yourself without my permission.”
See the difference?
Masturbation is a natural, normal, healthy part of many people’s lives- whether single or partnered.
It’s not cheating. It’s not selfish.
And it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with your relationship.
In fact, when approached with openness and respect, solo sex can be one more way we build stronger, more pleasurable, and more connected relationships- with ourselves and each other.
By Kiara Sasha
